Madi Goerig
Dr. Knutson
IWC 100
12 October 2021
The Costs of Prioritizing as a Parent
A few months before I left for college, my dad and I were in the car driving to Dairy Queen late at night. The ten o’clock drive was not an uncommon experience for us; however, the conversation we had was. My dad realized that he had never taken me to a Texas A&M football game and promised to take me to one during the upcoming season, but as soon as the words left his mouth, I could see it dawn on him that it wasn’t possible. I was going to be thousands of miles from home, in Minnesota, during football season. That night, I saw a side of my father that I had never seen before. He was remorseful and almost somber. He voiced his frustration over working so much and so hard when I was growing up that he missed out on many memories; and now, I’m all grown up. I explained that I was happy with the childhood he gave me. Sure, he worked a lot, but because of that I was able to have so many unique experiences that I otherwise wouldn’t have had. He was merely trying to give me a childhood that was just as great, if not better, than the life his own father had given him.
My paternal grandfather, Elo Goerig, has always been a figure of significance throughout my childhood. Every birthday, I know to expect a birthday card with cash and a handwritten message that is at least a paragraph in length. I have grown accustomed to his long phone calls with endless stories. I always expect to see him at major life events such as my high school graduation even if a pandemic stands in his way. Of my grandparents, he is definitely the most involved in my life. Until I interviewed him, I truly did not understand why he prioritized involvement in the lives of his grandchildren. Now, it is clear to me that the role he has taken on as a grandparent is quite literally a direct result of his experiences as a parent. The process of parenting simultaneously fuels a sense of love and doubt since raising a child involves prioritization and sacrifice.
During the Vietnam War, Elo Goerig was drafted into the military. He thankfully never ended up being stationed in Vietnam but instead was stationed in Germany. Upon reflecting on the experience, Goerig said, “It was an experience that I don’t regret;” however, “I didn’t see none of my family for fourteen months.” When he left for Germany, there was one family member in particular that he had to leave behind: his infant daughter, Judy. When I asked him if there was any experience in his life that he would want to go back to, he chose “coming home from the army” (Goerig). He explains, “It was a very memorable experience because at that time Judy was already born. And when I left for Germany, she was a small baby. And so, she didn’t even know who I was. And when I came home from Germany, it was about three or four months before she would actually come to me. She was so afraid of me. So that’s one experience I will never forget, you know?”
His time in the army wasn’t the only time he had to take a step back from his children’s lives in order to prioritize his duty to provide for his family. After returning home from Germany, he began working at the Catholic Union of Texas (KJT), a Czech Catholic organization. He clearly enjoyed his job. He “worked there for forty-five years” and rose through the positions during that time (Goerig). Goerig describes, “I started out as an office assistant.
Then became secretary of the KJT corporation, and then from secretary, I became president.” Unfortunately, despite his committed work at the KJT and as a parent, he had to add another job to his already extensive resume. He recalls, “When the kids’ mother left, I worked at a convenience store. What I would do? I would work at the KJT from 7:30 to 4:30 then I would come home. At 4:30, I’d make supper for the boys. Then, at five o’clock, I went to the convenience store. I would work there until 10:30 at night, sometimes eleven. Then I’d come home, do the laundry, do all of that stuff, get to bed at eleven, twelve, or one o’clock. Get up early in the morning, make breakfast, get the kids ready for school. And I did that all the time.” For years, he continued this exhausting work grind in hopes of being able to provide for his children even though it meant that he couldn’t always be an active part of their lives.
Elo Goerig had to work hard to make money and even then, money was still low; but despite that, he always made sure to provide for his children in ways beyond the essentials. He wanted to be able to give his children the things they wanted. Goerig reflects that one year, “James or Edward decided they wanted something for Christmas. And they told me late so I tried everything to try to find this toy. And so anyway, I drove all the way to Brenham. I went to every store there, and I mean if a person doesn’t believe in God, nobody does. But anyway, I just prayed ‘I’m gonna stop at just one more store.’ And this guy was ready to close. But guess what? He had that toy.” As he told this story, there was genuine excitement and pride in his voice as he revealed that he was actually able to give his son the toy he wanted. He really just wanted his children to be happy. When listening to him talk about his children and the things he did for them, it is obvious that the sacrifices he made weren’t out of duty but rather love.
Goerig feels some remorse in the way he expressed his love for his children. He explains, “My mother and dad, we took it for granted. But now, a lot of times you always hear everybody say ‘I love you.’ I’ve never heard my parents tell each other that or tell us that. I remember only telling my mother one time in my life ‘I love you’ when I went into the army and was leaving for Germany. But we took it for granted, you know? ‘Cause they did everything for us. And so that’s one thing today I still think about, you know? That’s why I guess I never told my children how much I love them because I took it for granted.” He never really would verbatim express his love to his children due to the way he was raised. This was incredibly interesting to hear. Every time I see my Papa Elo or talk to him, he has always told me that he loved me. As he’s gotten older, he has learned not to take the three little words for granted anymore. Even though he didn’t say “I love you” to his children much when they were growing up, he still showed his love in other ways which made certain that his children never questioned his love for them.
Although he had to work for most of his children’s childhood, there was one way he always managed to stay involved: he attended every single one of his children’s sports events. He explains, “I made certain, whenever I started working at the convenience store, I told my bosses, ‘Whenever my kids are playing a sport, I am gonna go to their games.’ So, I never missed one baseball game or one football game that my kids participated in.” He prioritized supporting his children above everything else. Not only did he prioritize these moments, but as Goerig reflected on his time spectating his children’s sporting events, the pride and love for his children shone in his eyes. He shared many stories about people approaching him in public and congratulating or complimenting his sons’ athletic abilities. Their involvement in sports allowed Goerig to bring a piece of his children with him even when he was unable to be at home. Sports allowed him to prioritize involvement as well as connect the aspects of his life as a father to that of an employee and community member. One thing is immensely clear: despite the fact he was unable to be home with his children as often as he wanted, no one could ever question his intentions or worth as a parent.
His experience as a single parent didn’t come without hardships or regret. Goerig says, “That’s one experience that if I had to do again, I wouldn’t mind doing it because I devoted all the attention to them that I possibly can. But now, ‘cause I’m older, I realize that I wish I would’ve spent more time with them. But back then, I wasn’t making that much money, so I really had to work hard. And I’m not complaining but for about a four-year period, I did not buy myself one set of clothes. Everything I did, I spent on my kids.” He not only placed his children’s needs above his own but also placed their wants above his needs. He desperately wishes that he could have been more actively involved, but in order to give his kids the life he wanted them to have, he had to make sacrifices. And although he now regrets the time he lost while working, there is honor in his prioritization.
Fortunately, Goerig has managed to regain some of that lost time through his role as a grandparent. I asked him, “What do you enjoy about being a grandparent?” and with a small smile on his face, he simply replied, “Oh man, everything.” He explains, “I just enjoy seeing y’all and being around y’all ‘cause I realize how much I missed by having to work so hard to support the kids that I missed when they were growing up. And now being able to see y’all growing up, that just makes me very happy.” Throughout my life, he really has made a point of being present at varying events. Even during the COVID-19 pandemic and despite his health issues, he still attended my high school graduation. He really does care about being there to see me grow up. As a grandparent, he can take a step back and watch his grandchildren grow up in a manner which he was unable to with his own children. He isn’t required to prioritize like he previously had to. To him, his role as “Papa Elo” is a second chance of a sort.
His role as a grandparent has also caused some old, buried regrets to arise regarding his own experience parenting. In our conversation, he choked out, “I only wish that I could’ve been half the parent Edward, James and Judy are. That’s the way I feel.” It was difficult for me to hear him degrade himself as a parent. I had never seen my grandfather cry before. I so desperately wished that I could show him how fantastic he is as a father. I wish I could express to him how much my own father looks up to him and compares himself to him. It is obvious the sacrifices he had to make as a single parent still weigh heavily on him. He still questions the choices he made as well as his worth as a father. This is the cost of having to make priorities and sacrifices as a parent. Honestly, the fact he still actively thinks about his choices is the greatest evidence of the kind of parent he is.
For my entire life, I have loved my Papa Elo. As a child, I couldn’t wait to see him at holidays and anxiously awaited his birthday cards in the mail. Even now, my heart melts a little bit every time he sends me a text message to express his love and pride. He has dedicated a large sum of his retirement years to be present in my life and the lives of my siblings and cousins. In our interview, he shared, “I wanna see y’all graduate from university.” His goal is to live to at least see one last milestone in his grandkids’ lives. We proceeded to calculate how old he would be in twelve years when his final grandchild graduated to which he optimistically replied, “Eighty-eight, that’s possible.” This epitomizes the grandfather I grew up with. For him, his children and grandchildren give him a sense of purpose. He has always lived and breathed for his family. This is what I love and admire most about my Papa Elo. This is also why it was so difficult to hear him reveal his regrets as a parent. To me, he has always been the perfect grandfather.
All my life, I assumed that my grandfather was an incredible father because he has always been an amazing grandparent. After interviewing him, I no longer need to assume since the truth is obvious. Although he doubts his value as a parent, he did everything he could to give his children a good life. If anything, the doubt and remorse he faces is proof that he is a truly sensational father. My Papa Elo’s role as a single parent was fueled by the pure love and compassion he felt for his children; however, he faced doubt and remorse as he was forced to make difficult choices in order to prioritize his children’s happiness. Goerig summarizes, “So that was my taking care of the kids. I coached them, and I made sure they always had everything they wanted. That was my priority. Me wasn’t my priority. It was my kids.”
Works Cited
Goerig, Elo. Zoom interview. 26 Sept. 2021.