Edwin Rasidovic
Dr. Karla Knutson
IWC 100
19 April 2022
Andrew Foss
When I interviewed “Big Bad Andy Foss,” it was quite the experience. The voice memo I have on my phone of our conversation is clouded with the bustling noises of a family-owned diner. The joy of having a lovely Saturday morning breakfast with your family was in the background of my live voice memo as Coach Foss and I made connections to our past successes together on the field. He even talked me through how his time coaching has helped him learn more about becoming a father and starting his own family aside from the family he created on the pitch.
When the time came to order our food in this cozy family-owned diner, Foss chose to go for the “Everything Skillet.” I was not taken aback by this at all because when I think about Foss, I think about a guy who would give everything within him for the things he cared about. That can just as easily translate to the families he described in our interviews. To Foss, and nearly all, family, whether connected by bloodline or not, is one of the most important things in a person’s life because a sense of family can give a path to a life filled with meaning and purpose in our contemporary society. I learned this very quickly with Foss as my coach, and I was excited to know how that mentality translated to his new job of being a father.
When I was a freshman coming into the Bismarck High soccer program, I was a shy kid, and I did not want to put myself out there. That was especially true when it came to tryouts that first year. However, Coach Foss had very different plans for our team and me, although we would not know of those plans until the end of the season. He selected me to play with the varsity squad, and I was so glad he made that decision.
Every single day we came to training, Foss would tell us, “Today’s practice needs to be a state championship practice.” That was our goal, and anything less would be unacceptable for him. That may come off as harsh, or that maybe he pushed us too much; however, he was always determined to win every season we played, and we always took his lead. In fact, psychologist Jelena Pavlovic at the University of Belgrade has mentioned that it is important to challenge a team when coaching and that “disrupting teams so they learn how to adapt to wider systemic changes” is crucial to the success of the team (450). Foss exemplified that by putting us through the ringer at practice. We would be thrown into drills that challenged us to think even more about our decisions on the field. We did one vs ones, numbers down defending drills, and the worst of them all, a full 2-hour conditioning session on the first Saturday of the season. Through our “state championship” level practices, he challenged us every single day we were on the field to be the best that we could possibly be.
Of course, at the time, Foss was not a father, but he was a father figure to me in training and even in games. He always gave our team that final piece of the puzzle; the personality and charisma that brought our team together and just made everything work. Looking back now, I think the part he filled in for us was that he created a family environment and truly gave us a sense of being in a second family away from home.
We faced a lot of hardships at the beginning of the season, but we came together as a family, and we were able to win a state championship. After that championship game, Foss came up to me and told me that I played a hell of a game. I only played fifteen minutes, but it didn’t matter. It never really mattered in the end; we were champions. This experience that we went through together created a bond between us. It was more than just player and coach for every player on that team. It was truly like family.
Not only did the team gelling together like a family help us win that year; that team had confidence. This came from the work that Foss put in coaching our team. He challenged us to be at our best, but he also instilled in us a sense of pride and positivity with which we could be confident. Positive coaching has been found to be the “second most decisive factor” in determination of team confidence right behind “team enthusiasm” (Fransen et al. 1470). Foss was there to applaud us in the times where we played excellent, and in the times where we were not so excellent (while also getting on us for not playing to the best of our ability). The confidence and faith that we had in each other stemmed from Foss’s support and positivity which gave us more to fight for together as we continued to come together as a family. This is what ultimately led us to a state title.
The following year, we hit a slump. Our games were not panning out as we had hoped they would be, and, as defending state champions, that was a tough pill to swallow. One day at practice, Foss brought us all in to talk before we even started warming up. Foss asked a straightforward question: “What is our purpose?” It had never come across my mind that we even had a purpose. We played soccer because we thought it was fun, but he dug deeper than that. He told us that we were not just eleven random guys running onto the field wearing the same color shirts. He told us it is not just the maroon and white and playing under the lights. We played for much more than that, much more than I could ever comprehend with my tiny, first-semester sophomore brain. Coach Foss told us right then and there, in the middle of a season which was slowly starting to fade into one that we could forget: “We are brothers.”
If there was ever a moment in my career that I would remember, it was the power placed behind those three words. Foss said that it was more than just a game. It was us pouring our hearts into it every single day in order to be there for the guys to the right and left of us. Screw all the noise, this is everything we got, and that is everything we need. Now that sounds like a family.
After that practice, attitudes started to change, and results also began to change. We started winning again and finished fourth in the state.
That would never have been possible if it weren’t for Foss and his mentality to bring us together as a family. Him simply asking us what our purpose was and telling us to play for the guys beside us gave our season meaning, just like how a family can add meaning to anyone’s life.
Moving along, we would go on to win the state championship again the following season with the same coaching philosophy that got us there in my first year and the same family mentality that he introduced in my sophomore year. Still, the end of this season was different. Foss would be moving on from Bismarck High to start a family of his own in Fargo with his girlfriend at the time. The team was shocked as we were at the height of our ability, and Foss had just come off of his third championship in the last five seasons—which was almost unheard of in North Dakota soccer. Foss, however, would give everything for the people and things he loves and cares about profoundly, as aforementioned.
Foss then moved to Fargo, where he would get married and coach again at West Fargo High School. After knowing so much about him as a coach, I was interested in learning what his life was like outside of the pitch. I felt an excellent spot to start would be his wedding day, and I was most definitely right. Although Foss had a great time reuniting with his family and his wife’s family, Foss made a terrible mistake. There would be a drawing for some coolers with alcoholic drinks, snacks, and many other goodies to be won by some of their guests at his wedding. There was also another cooler full of drinks for lunch. Admitting his mistake to me, he said, “I was supposed to bring three total coolers with me after I left the house. Completely spaced them” (Foss). After his wife learned about his forgetfulness, his new father-in-law would have to go and buy sodas for lunch. But, as we all know, the forgetfulness did not stop there as there were still two coolers missing. After dinner, that would be a problem when Foss’s wife would again turn to him to ask if he had the coolers to give away. Foss replied: “Nope.” Lucky for him, his dad and his nephew were there to save the day, and they drove back to their house to grab the coolers, which was a trip that would take thirty minutes. Foss told me, “I was in the doghouse for a little while,” but because his family was there to help him out, he was able to decompress and enjoy his wedding day, which is such an important day in someone’s life. If it weren’t for his family being there at that moment, what could be regarded as the most memorable day of someone’s life would have been a day he would have seen as not as special as it should have been.
Even before they had made it to the reception, Foss had already caused a bit of trouble. Standing at the altar, Foss and his wife were about to exchange rings when Foss’s “fat knuckles” got in the way, and he accidentally cut his thumb on his ring; “My finger slipped, and [the ring] sliced my thumb, but I didn’t even realize it. I just felt relieved that I got the ring on.” It was only until Foss’s new brother-in-law, also his wedding officiant, pointed at his thumb that Foss saw that his thumb was bleeding. Foss proceeded to suck on his thumb to try and stop the bleeding, but at this point, it was too late. The words he probably dreaded the most at that moment came as his brother-in-law said, “You may now kiss the bride.” At least this story ended with a kiss, albeit a little red. “Nobody else knew what was going on except me, her, and her brother,” Foss added. That goes to show even a bad day at the altar can make a good memory when family is there to get you through an unorthodox experience. Foss also spoke a helpful life lesson as he usually does: “Life is a lot of failing and learning.”
Foss’s family has always been there for him, and because of that, he feels that he can be successful in anything that he does. This is proven with clear evidence that has shown that adults with increased support stemming from social relationships were more likely to have a sense of purpose in their lives (Weston et al. 404). As a matter of fact, Foss has been quite successful in his life endeavors having won the three state championships coaching in soccer and completing post-secondary education. As aforementioned, the support of his family has enabled him to have the opportunity to do these things. In this case, his purpose comes from his family’s support, but he is now looking towards becoming that support pillar and giving that life purpose to his wife and newly created family as they grow together.
Some may say that many may not have a supportive family. This is possible, and some families do possess family members that are abusive and do not truly feel like family at all; not everyone has the privilege of healthy family relationships. To that, there is an objective answer that family can be found in anyone. Just like our soccer team, friends, coaches, and fans of the team can become family and have a supporting role in someone’s life. As previously stated, using these relationships can give someone a sense of purpose in life (Weston et al. 404). Even if it comes from someone who is not related by blood, this support can push a person to become something greater than what they are and give this person purpose in life. Foss was that one person for our team, and he brought us together to create a family that gave everyone a purpose in being there. He is also becoming that person for his own family as mentioned before.
His wife is now pregnant with their first child and is due very soon. As you can tell, this is a fascinating time for my old coach Foss. When I asked him about moving cities, the situation with the child, and how coaching could translate into him being a father, Foss chuckled and told me that this was unbelievably different. He said, “If you ever get married and really want to test your marriage, build a new house and move into it while your wife is pregnant, and see how well you guys do” (Foss). This piece of his life was almost nothing like coaching high school boys’ soccer; however, the family aspect of it all could draw a few parallels to the team’s family bond.
As anyone could guess, Foss’s marriage is going quite well as he and his wife passed the difficult test that he had recommended. This corelates to the personalities of each of the parties involved in the marriage. Foss and his wife are able to compromise and work together towards a common goal; just as a team would, and when it comes to Foss and his marriage, he and his wife are fully open and honest with each other. These communication habits help them both to gain satisfaction out of their marriage, and this satisfaction is “associated with higher levels of openness to experience, agreeableness, and conscientiousness” (McCabe 43). They have been successful and happy in their marriage since the beginning, and, because of that, Foss is gaining family support from his wife and her family as well as finding a purpose in his life through that support.
He is ready to take on this new chapter with some of the skills he had learned over all the years of coaching, yet he is still nervous, which is quite understandable, seeing that it is his first child. When I asked him what he was doing to prepare for the child, he said he was letting his wife take as much time as she needed to relax and decompress. Along with his broad and white smile, this encompasses Foss’s charisma and character so well; “One day, she came back from work and laid down on the couch and told me she wasn’t leaving that spot. I told her that she could lay there forever if she wanted to. She is bringing life into this world. Nothing I do can compare to that” (Foss). With everything he knows about family on the pitch, I am sure he will be a great father. He will be able to translate the fatherly aspects of his coaching style to his new family to create a life for himself and his family filled with meaning and purpose.
Works Cited
Foss, Andrew. Personal interview. 5 Feb. 2022.
Fransen, Katrien, et al. “Perceived Sources of Team Confidence in Soccer and Basketball.” Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, vol. 47, no. 7, July 2015, pp. 1470-84. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.cordproxy.mnpals.net/10.1249/MSS.0000000000000561.
McCabe, Marita P. “Satisfaction in Marriage and Committed Heterosexual Relationships: Past, Present, and Future.” Annual Review of Sex Research, vol. 17, no. 1, Dec. 2006, pp. 39-58. EBSCOhost, https://search-ebscohost-com.cordproxy.mnpals.net/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=26258487&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Pavlovic, Jelena. “Team Coaching Psychology: Toward an Integration of Constructivist Approaches.” Journal of Constructivist Psychology, vol. 34, no. 4, Oct. 2021, pp. 450-62. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.cordproxy.mnpals.net/10.1080/10720537.2019.1700856.
Weston, Sara J., et al. “Building Sense of Purpose in Older Adulthood: Examining the Role of Supportive Relationships.” Journal of Positive Psychology, vol. 16, no. 3, May 2021, pp. 398-406. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.cordproxy.mnpals.net/10.1080/17439760.2020.1725607.