Abigail Koenig
Professor Scott Olsen
English 110
24 March 2025
Catholic Beginnings
I was raised in a very loosely Lutheran household. My family went to church at a parish called “Prince of Peace” on Christmas and Easter, and me and my four older sisters attended vacation bible school for a few days every summer. I honestly don’t remember really understanding any of it in my young childhood, apart from knowing I had to be quiet and respectful when in a church and that I got popsicles at vacation bible school. I also remember being ecstatic on Christmas Eve, when my father finished reading the story of Jesus’ birth and I was able to open one present early as we left the rest for the next morning.
My relationship with religion and God has wavered throughout my entire life. In my early years, it was extremely surface level, as I simply did what was asked of me. I put on my nicest dresses on the days we went to church, read prayers out of the pamphlet they gave us, mildly paid attention, and went about my life as usual. When I hit my “rebellious teenagehood,” at about 14 years of age, I became very agnostic. I didn’t have any connection to God or Christianity, and even viewed religion with a somewhat cult-ish lens. I just believed in science.
This changed when I hit young adulthood. On one fateful day, during the beginning of my senior year of high school, I met a boy. This boy is named Zachary Spoden. I had been hanging out with one of my girl friends at the time, and she got a call from her then boyfriend inviting us to join him and at his buddies for dinner at Applebees. We went of course, as Applebees has some of the world’s best appetizers. Zach, one of the buddies, sat across from me. Definitely love at first sight. I very naturally and expertly communicated that I was flirting with him through stealing french fries off of his plate. We had been in the same extracurricular auditioned acapella group and shared many other commonalities, like sense of humor, hobbies, interests, love for fries, etc. The two of us quickly became best friends, and have now been dating for about a year and a half. He has become a very important and influential figure in my life.
Zach and his family so happen to be practicing Catholics. In our time spent together, I’ve learned a lot about religion as a whole, and was even inspired to start attending mass again, partially due to the desire to get closer with Zach. As best friends, there wasn’t a single topic we hadn’t talked about for hours on end. I naturally wanted to learn as much as I could about him and his beliefs, so on Sundays when I was free, I opted to join the Spodens at All Saints Catholic Church.
The first time I went, however, unfortuantely ended in literal tears. Me and Zach had only been together for a few months, and like any other new girlfriend, I desperately wanted to impress him and his family. I put on a pair of business slacks, loafers, and a forest green sweater, even though Zach was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I followed along diligently in the worship aid pamphlet, sitting, kneeling, standing, praying, and singing my heart out. I didn’t get what was going on but I was learning! Everything had been going great, until of course, it was time for Communion. I have never taken real Communion.
With great eagerness, a little nervousness, and far too much confidence, I went up with absolutely no idea what I was doing. I got in line behind Zach and followed him to the front of the church. All I was told was to cross my arms when walking up since I wasn’t actually Catholic, and nothing else. I completely froze up when I got in front of the Eucharist minister. I must’ve interrupted his flow of handing out wafers, as we just silently stared each other down for a solid 15 seconds. Thankfully Zach’s mom noticed and nudged my shoulder to keep walking. Worst 15 seconds of my life. I was mortified. I walked back to the pew with my face beet red and tears in my eyes. How embarrassing that I couldn’t “do church” correctly. I could never show my face at All Saints ever again, because I had definitely just humiliated the entire Spoden bloodline.
I did not, of course. As I’m sure it sounds to anyone reading, it was not a big deal and actually wasn’t a deal at all. Legitimately no one cared as much as I did. The Spodens and I joked about it in the car after, and we still bring it up when we need a laugh. I also have happily returned to this parish, many times. On Sundays when I am unable attend in person, I watch the All Saints livestream online. I own a Bible, have a Spotify playlist of worship music, and pray daily. I cannot say how much of this is due to personal interest versus my connection to Zach, but my relationship with God, Catholicism, and even Zach, is stronger than it ever has been, despite a less than ideal beginning.
Going from agnostic to building a close knit religious connection has not been easy. I still have to ask Zach (and the internet) questions all the time, as I have not been given the background knowledge people who grew up intensely Christian or Catholic have. I did not know what a “sacrament” was until a few weeks ago, or what the season of Lent was all about. When I am attending church, I do not know the responses to the priest’s calls, yet at least. Reading the Bible takes me a copious amount of time to comprehend what is being said and most of the time I have to look up explanations online. It is quite frankly overwhelming to have so much that I just don’t understand. There is an inexplicable, almost discouraging sense of embarrassment for not already being established in a religion that my boyfriend already knew seemingly everything about.
Even just choosing a religion can be extremely difficult. The Learn Religion website estimates approximately 4,500 or more religions can be found across the world (Fairchild). With such a wide variety of options, it can see impossible to select just one. This has brought the surfacing of the “religious nones” or those who describe their religion as “nothing in particluar” as explained in an article by the Pew Research Center (Smith). This piece goes on to explain that most nones are “not uniformly anti-religious,” that they usually “reject the idea that science can explain everything”. A majority of nones also do in fact “believe in God or another higher power”. Nones just have less of an attachment to religion in general and do not associate themselves with one religion in particular. I think I fit into this category for a while, and still in a sense do.
It is argued that nones exist as a critique of politicized religion and a preference for government secularization rather than an attack on spirituality as a whole. America is a country where freedom in all aspects is celebrated. It is built into the very history of the nation. The Constitution’s First Amendment guarantees that people can exercise their religion without persecution, as settlers were forced to flee from Europe’s strict laws, meaning the amendment directly separates church from state. In today’s political climate, religion is creeping its way back into influencing the government. Many Americans disagree with this, and may be labling themselves as Nones to detach from this trend.
Living in the 2025 American world, I am someone who has the privilege of being in a nation where I can select, practice, and celebrate my own beliefs (or lack thereof), so why had I hit this complete religious 180 and declared I am on my Catholic journey? What made me decide to start going to church again?
For a while, religion had been in a decline in the United States. The New York Times has said that “for decades, social scientists, demographers and Christians themselves have told a familiar story about the state of Christianity in the United States: The country was rapidly secularizing,” (Graham). This is speculated to be due to increased economic prosperity and functional governance. Historically, religious institutes provided much of what the government now provides, such as help for those in need, education, and explanations for how the world works. Participating in church may seem more optional rather than necessary. Another reason may be due to the politicization of Christianity specifically. More and more, this religion is being associated with the right wing conservative or Republican demographics. Because of these stereotypes surrounding Christianity, those who don’t align with red political ideology are stepping away from the religion. Young people are being taught more liberally, and therefore generally see the world with a left leaning lens. I for example, as mentioned earlier, used to think of religion as cult-ish, and deemed the instituions homophobic, racist, and conservative, which I do not identify with.
Today though, “we’re entering a new era of the American religious landscape” (Graham) as there has been a recent resurgence within the population of people like me/young adults who desire to have a religious affiliation. The Wall Street Journal notes in 2023 “about one-third of 18-to-25-year-olds say they believe—more than doubt—the existence of a higher power, up from about one-quarter in 2021, according to a recent survey of young adults,” (Ansberry). The same article quotes Reverend Darryl Roberts, pastor of the Nineteenth Street Baptist Church in Washington, D.C., who says “the pandemic, racial unrest, fears of job loss and other economic worries, stripped away the protective layers that many young people felt surrounded them. No longer feeling invincible, some are turning to God for protection.” Roberts is attributing this trend to the recent COVID-19 pandemic as well as the sociopolitical climate of the 2020s. In essence, people wanted a beacon of light in the face of hardship.
Research has shown that partaking in religion can be extremely beneficial for a person, with it even increasing their life expectancy. One American Psychological Association interview discusses how religion and spirituality are “generally helpful to people in coping” particularly for people who are facing “major life stressors” (Pargament). Another article from National Geographic states that “religious attendance is consistently correlated with higher levels of contentment and satisfaction” (Siler). This article also says it should be noted that these findings are not specific to any one religion.
Similarly, marriage is another life experience that can make a person’s life better. An article in Psychology Today states that “several studies, for instance, reveal people who are married, rather than single, tend to live longer and experience greater physical and psychological health.” The same article also notes that “patients who had undergone a coronary artery bypass graft were 2.5 times more likely to still be alive 15 years after their surgery if they were married, rather than single” (Collisson). Another source, The Institute for Family Studies, remarks how “marriage increased long-run happiness” (Stone). Marriage to one’s partner is the general goal of many romantic relationships, and my liking for my boyfriend is no exception.
Falling in love and getting married to a prince charming has been a dream of mine since I was a very young girl, and I am 100% sure that watching countless Disney princesses slow dance with their respective partners triggered this. I can’t count how many times I re-watched “The Princess and the Frog.” I saw myself in a long, white dress with my mother’s veil, my sisters by my side, my father walking me down the aisle. Although I am young, I’ve known my whole life that when I grow older, I want to get married raise children with a man that I love. At this moment in time, Zach and I are on the track to eventually reach this point. We care deeply for one another and have talked about our potential future together.
Marriage as a concept is not only of extreme importance to me, but also within the Catholic church. In fact, it is even sacramental. A sacrament is defined as a Christian rite that is believed to be ordained by Christ himself. These include baptism, confirmation, Eucharist, penance and reconciliation, anointing of the sick, holy orders, and matrimony (marriage). The Church defines the sacrament of matrimony as “signifying the union of Christ and the Church”. The Church also says that the sacrament “gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love which Christ has loved the Church. The sacrament of matrimony perfects the human love of spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life.” (“Sacrament of Marriage”). To put it simply, matrimony between two humans celebrates, reflects, and parallels the love that Christ has for each and every one of us.
For Catholics, like my boyfriend, marrying someone who is also Catholic is of grave importance, which may explain why I chose Catholicism in particular during my religious reemergence. Very strictly speaking, canon Catholic law requires this as it protects individuals from falling away from their religion. To support this, the Pew Research Center has discovered that “adults in religiously mixed marriages are, by and large, less religious than their counterparts who are married to spouses who share their faith,” and that they also “discuss religious matters with their spouses less frequently than those who are in religiously matched marriages” (Mitchell).
Intrafaith couples are those who share a religion, while interfaith couples are those who do not, and there have been significant differences found in overall happiness of the two couple types. A research article found on Sage Journals explains how “religiously homogamous couples experience less domestic abuse and have more stable and more satisfying marriages” while in contrast “religiously heterogamous marriages are generally more likely to end in divorce” (Braithwaite). As aforementioned, there has been a sharp increase of studies researching the correlation between mutual religiosity and positive marital outcomes, though the reasoning is not yet understood.
It should be added that interestingly enough, the number of interfaith couples is steadily increasing. Within the National Library of Medicine’s database is an article that calls this pattern “one of the most striking changes in partnering behavior in the United States” as just 100 years ago, “less than a third of all marriages were between partners of different religious upbringings and only 10% of couples maintained separate religious identities after marriage” (McClendon).
Regardless of this shift and any difficulties I may face in trying to join a religion, I personally still harbor a desire to share a religion with my eventual husband. I want my children to grow up in an intrafaith household yet also have the opportunity to get to know God for themselves. Most importantly, I want them to have the privilege that I’ve had to explore my beliefs.
Works Cited
Ansberry, Clare. The Surprising Surge of Faith among Young People; Young Adults, Theologians and Church Leaders Say the Increase is a Response to the Pandemic. Dow Jones & Company Inc, New York, N.Y., 2023. ProQuest, http://cordproxy.mnpals.net/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/blogs-podcasts-websites/surprising-surge-faith-among-young-people-adults/docview/2804623469/se-2.
Braithwaite, S. R., Coulson, G. L., Spjut, K., Dickerson, W., Beck, A. R., Dougal, K.,Debenham, C., & Jones, D. (2013). The Influence of Religion on the Partner Selection Strategies of Emerging Adults. Journal of Family Issues, 36(2), 212-231. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X13491748 (Original work published 2015)
Collisson, Brian. “Interfaith Relationships Are Becoming Common. Do They Work?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-toxic-or-tender/202210/interfaith-relationship s-are-becoming-common-do-they-work. Accessed 23 Mar. 2025.
Fairchild, Mary. “Take a Tour of the Global Religious Landscape.” Learn Religions, Learn Religions, 13 June 2024, www.learnreligions.com/how-many-religions-are-there-in-the-world-5114658.
Graham, Ruth. “Christianity’s Decline in U.S. Appears to Have Halted, Major Study Shows.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 26 Feb. 2025, www.nytimes.com/2025/02/26/us/christianity-us-religious-study-pew.html?searchResultPosition=2.
McClendon, David. “Religion, Marriage Markets, and Assortative Mating in the United States.” Journal of marriage and the family vol. 78,5 (2016): 1399-1421.
doi:10.1111/jomf.12353 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5089166/
Mitchell, Travis. “2. Religion in Marriages and Families.” Pew Research Center, Pew Research Center, 26 Oct. 2016, www.pewresearch.org/religion/2016/10/26/religion-in-marriages-and-families/.
Pargament, K. I. (2013, March 22). What role do religion and spirituality play in mental health? American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/03/religion-spirituality
“Sacrament of Marriage.” Catholic Identity, catholicidentity.bne.catholic.edu.au/scripture/SitePages/Sacrament-of-Marriage.aspx. Accessed 26 Mar. 2025.
Siler, Julia Flynn. “Is Faith the Secret to Happiness? Scientists May Soon Find Out.” Culture, 23 Jan. 2025, www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/faith-religion-happiness-spirituality.
Smith, Gregory A. “Religious ‘nones’ in America: Who They Are and What They Believe.” Pew Research Center, Pew Research Center, 24 Jan. 2024, www.pewresearch.org/religion/2024/01/24/religious-nones-in-america-who-they-are-and-
Stone, Lyman. “Does Getting Married Really Make You Happier?” Institute for Family Studies, 7 Feb. 2022, ifstudies.org/blog/does-getting-married-really-make-you-happier.